The Rise and Fall of The Yeast Not-So-Rolls

So...(y'all know this is gonna be a good story already huh??) First, let me say I am not a bread maker....and today solidified this.  My sister-in-law made  home made yeast rolls when I was in Kentucky, and, they would put any restaurant to shame, were light and fluffy and bigger than my fists.  Oh those yummy lumps of baked dough were heavenly, and I have dreamed of making them since.  She sent me the recipe, and encouragingly told me they were easy.  Bless her her confidence in me. Haha.

Well, I have the recipe in front of me. Now, I should note here that I have never, EVER used yeast of any kind in my baking over the years.  I empty that little envelope in the bowl and add the warm water. Holy mudder of all things stinky. It was the most rancid smell since I cracked a rotten egg. Oh well....on we go.  So, I carefully follow the directions....adding everything as written. Oh, I guess I should insert here, that stand mixers have a "bread beater" blade for a reason. Mine didn't, so, as any true southern woman would, I figured, "Yeah, regular beaters will work."  No, no they don't.  The mixer is going smoothly....until I came to the "add two cups of flour....a little at a time".....I am cautiously adding it to the bowl, beaters still turning, then all of a sudden ...WHOOMMPPHHHHH.  They dough had wrapped itself ALL around the beater! I scraped it off....and continued to add the flour...slowly. All of a sudden it just PLOPPED into the bowl and everything within two feel of the bowl was covered in a fine white powder.  At this point I am fairly certain I should have been shooting a video on "How Not To Make Yeast Rolls".

I finally got everything mixed together....and they smelled just like yeast rolls should.  I plopped that little gooey lump into the greased bowl and covered it and waited the TWO long hours for it to rise.  After those long two hours, I peeked under the covering...and what do my wondering eyes see?? Just a lump of gooey dough, that did not look all that risen to me.  Maybe there was some magic words I forgot to say?? Maybe I was suppose to say it with more authority?? RISE I SAY!!  Being the hardhead that I am, I continued with the directions, thinking maybe it did rise and I just forgot what the original looked like, since I was so excited (and naive).   So, I roll them out into little 1 inch balls and place two in each muffin cup. Almost two muffin tins full of anticipation. Now, to let them RISE 45 more minutes.  Again....RISE I SAY.

Are you drooling with anticipation of those little love lumps of hot, steamy dough?? Yeah. Me too.  They did NOT look any bigger than when I meticulously rolled them out. I baked them anyway.  15 minutes later, and they house smelling SO good...they were done.  D.O.N.E.  I had 21 yeast dough knots.  They were not light and fluffy. They were not my little love lumps of dough I had been dreaming about all day!!!  All is not lost.....I broke one open, drizzled some molasses on it and ate it anyway.......After all....tomorrow is another day, and I WILL try again!!!!!